The jewels you crown me with have always formed mouths. There is no time in my memory when they did not. They spew out the words you taught them, so as they sit upon my head, they repeat your voice in my skull. They remind me why they are there. They remind me how easily they can leave.

I used to accept your jewels, let you place more stones into my circlet, watched as you whispered words to them and asked them to tell me whenever I took a step to the left. It hadn’t happened for ages. But yesterday, I stood before you, and I watched as you pulled out a diamond. This one had teeth already, it had blood that stained its lower half. You spoke the words. You offered it to me. 

I think you believed yourself to have donned me queenly that day with your own hand. That the diamond sits upon my head ever still. But I did not allow it to set. I listened to your words, heard you praise and build me up on a pedestal that has no legs. I stood on it for years, knew that the moment my questions weighed just a little too heavily, knew that if I shifted my stance ever so slightly, there would be nothing. I would topple. And my crown would tell me exactly why. 

You act as if that pedestal, this crown, is mine. That it is gifted to me by you, by hands calloused from crafting these gems to look precious. But I have peered inside. I have seen the coal they are made out of. And I use them now to fuel the fire that burns inside my chest, to heat my lungs and burn my heart. When you offered me that diamond with teeth, I walked to my house, set my crown on the ground, and crushed it.

It screamed. All of the gems did. Like wailing cries of infants beneath my feet. Of course it stung. Of course my foot bled and I limped for days after. I don’t think you’ve noticed the crown is gone. I don’t think you’ve noticed the one I’ve replaced it with. 

I gathered branches of fallen leaves, I wove together vines, and I placed a large, grey stone into its heart.  Made by my own hands. By the earth. With no room for the gems you pretend to gift me with.

New posts every day as I gear up for the release of my second book, Caerule! Check it out!