As more folks are being introduced to the world of asexuality, there are some writers who are looking into writing these characters. So how do you write a convincing asexual? As your neighborhood certified ace, I’m here to help you out in seven quick steps.

We’re Not That Kind Of Asexual

We’re not all the same. That’s the first, huge point. The biggest thing about us is that we just don’t experience sexual attraction. So no looking at someone and feeling our bits get warm or erect. (Generally.)

Aesthetic and Sexual Attraction Are Different

This doesn’t mean that we don’t look at someone and think they’re pretty or are attracted to their aesthetic. Personally, I like the muscular woman aesthetic. I’m sure from all the art of muscle wives I’ve reposted on my twitter, you never would’ve guessed. This doesn’t mean I’d have sex with these women. It just means I really like how they look.

Asexual Doesn’t Mean No Libido

This is also not to say we never have a libido. Your characters can get horny, but from my experience, that’s never directed at a specific person. It’s just an annoying feeling that shows up. 

Asexual Isn’t Aromantic

Not all ace folks are aro! Aromantic are people who don’t feel romantic attraction. I might be aro? And from my experience, I don’t look at anyone and feel like I want to kiss them, or I want to have romantic evenings or anything. Your asexual character can want to be part of a romantic relationship.

Asexual Isn’t A Hatred Of Sex

Not only that, but some ace folks do enjoy sex! There are many who don’t, many who are indifferent, and many who enjoy it. 

We Aren’t Robots

Avoid making your only ace character a robot, honestly. It’s a common trope, and it’s not necessarily a good one in the community. 

Check With A Sensitivity Reader

When you finish writing your character, see if you can find an asexual sensitivity reader! They’ll help make sure your character is set up properly. 

We Are Just As Unique And Different As You

The biggest thing is to treat us like we’re people. Just because we experience the world differently, doesn’t mean we’re robots, or don’t have emotions, or don’t feel love of any sort. I’m a huge lover! I tell my friends all the time and attempt to get them gifts whenever I can. I just don’t experience the world the same way they do. 

Research, Research, Research

Additionally, don’t just rely on this tiny little guide. Do lots of research, just like you should do for any other character you want to write that doesn’t share your experiences.

Hope that helps someone out there! Feel free to ask any questions in the comments below, and I’ll do my best to answer! Stay safe out there!