Jade fell to her knees, her side bleeding heavily from the cut she took to get to him. There was a diagonal slash across her chest, exposing the cauterized flesh underneath from the slice of the lightsaber. She couldn’t remember why one wound was bleeding while the other wasn’t. She didn’t even bother to realize that her own life was slowly oozing away from her, the majority of her flesh underneath her armor seared and melding with the superheated metal. Her lightsabers were somewhere, forgotten, deactivated and destroyed during the battle. Her legs screamed with pain but she was numb to it.

“R-Rath?” Her voice was weak. It shook when she spoke and cracked when she repeated his name once more, louder. He didn’t stir. He lay there, motionless, with a hole through his chest. Her gloved hands shook as she reached out for him, tears welling up in her eyes. If only she hadn’t been so stupid. If only she had stayed by his side. She should’ve been there for him like he was there for her. He was always there for her, and the one time he needed the debt repaid, she had failed him.

“Rathor, please,” she swallowed hard as her hands fumbled with the gloves, pulling them off to find the skin charred. It tore as she pulled the gloves off, as if the two materials had wound together when she had been electrocuted. The pain shot through her, reminding her she was dying; reminding her that her power was on its last leg and that the Force wouldn’t wait for her much longer. She put her broken flesh on his chest, trying not to cry. The tears would make it hard to work properly. She couldn’t save him if she couldn’t see.

Through the Force, however, she knew he was gone. He was long gone before she had reached his side. She tried to remember how this had happened. She tried to remember who had done this. She drew a blank.

Jade sealed the wound, blindly hoping it would somehow trap his soul within him, even when his pulse had faded and his presence had waned. Tears dropped onto his chest as her power faltered. Her bones ached, her muscles refused to work, and her heart started to slow. The pain came back to the surface of her mind but she pushed it away. She bowed her head and placed it on Rath’s. Her tears betrayed her, and quietly, alone, in the solitude of the newly-formed morgue, she cried for the one she had lost. Her throat closed up and her shoulders shook, using the last of her energy. She could feel the Force tug at her. She knew if she let go now, she could join him on the other side. So she placed a kiss on his lips and rested her head on his chest. She shut her eyes for what she believed would be the last time.

But someone yanked her away from him, screaming she was still alive. Her eyes shot open and the Force did not heed her call. She tried to throw the trooper back, tried to call for her lightsaber, anything that would let her life end. Yet the Republic trooper wasn’t going to let her go. Through the adored helmet and medals attached to her armor, Commander Zal’rak smiled at her dying friend.

“Selvan, we’re here. We’ll get you out alive.”

“No!” Jade screamed, weakly beating against Zal’rak’s white-clad chest. “No! I have to join him! I’m not leaving Rathor!”

“You’re going to be all right,” the Commander said softly, easily lifting her friend from the ground and carrying her like a child. “Someone get me a medpac! We’ve got one survivor and we’re not about to lose her!”

Jade shivered, still muttering her curses and threats. She felt as the Force left her. She felt as it chose to no longer wait for her. She felt the sudden void of its power and the tears streamed down her face in greater volume. The medpac found its mark and adrenaline washed through her veins. Jade wasn’t about to do anything about it, however. The Force had decided to let her live, but from now on, she was going to be on her own.

Jade gasped, jerking upright in the bed she shared with her husband. Her heart pounded, sweat beaded her brow, and her breath came out short and choppy. She moved her legs over the side of the bed, putting her bare feet on the cold floor to bring her back to her sanity. Her hands covered her face as she slowly steadied her breath. It wasn’t the first time she woke up in middle of the night because of some nightmare. It wasn’t the first time she startled herself awake because of the horrors her own mind conjured; or worse, the horrors her own mind remembered. Somehow, however, this had been different. The absence of the Force had felt so real…she shook her head and stood, adorned in long pants and a loose shirt. Even then, she was suspicious enough to have a small device she created cover the insides of her shirt. It wasn’t exactly comfortable, but it would stab adrenaline into her system if an unknown form, organic or otherwise, entered the ship. She hadn’t told Rathor she had made it. She wasn’t entirely sure what he would say.

Her emerald eyes shifted to him then, still sleeping. She smiled softly, knowing he didn’t always sleep so well. She turned her eyes back down to the floor and sighed. She reached out for her lightsaber, which obediently came to her hand from the nightstand beside her. Its presence comforted her as she ran her free hand through her long red locks, striped with the occasional blonde strand. She walked out of the room quietly and picked up her comm that sat outside. She softly called up her crew and sat down on the couch outside the shared room. A twi’lek answered, looking at Jade with concern. She must’ve looked terrible; Kye didn’t usually take pause to look at her before asking her usual question.

“What’s wrong?”

“I was…hoping we could talk.”

“You should speak with your husband, Jade.” She warned, shaking her head. “Married people usually do that.”

“I didn’t want to wake him.”

“See you didn’t have the same feelings about me.”

“Sorry.”

“No, you’re not.” Kye shook her head again. “You’re not sorry. I know your nightmares have started getting worse, but that’s no excuse not to tell your husband. Just because he’s sleeping, doesn’t mean he doesn’t care. He’s concerned, Jade. You of all people should know that.”

“I don’t want to hear your lectures.” Jade grumbled, rubbing her eyes tiredly. “I just wanted to talk.”

“Jade. Seriously. Talk to Rathor. You need him more than you’d like to admit. I’m sure if he was gone—”

“Why would you say that?” Jade snapped, her eyes flaring with intensity that the holocomm certainly didn’t recreate on Kye’s side.

“I was just saying that if something were to happen—”

“Nothing’s going to happen!” Jade hissed, louder than she intended.

“You’re Force-damned Sith for crying out loud! You’re in a worse position than smugglers! You wouldn’t be able to live without him!”

Jade shut off the call. In fact, she turned the thing off entirely. She didn’t want Kye calling back. Of course she could live without Rathor. She had done so before, why couldn’t she now? She shivered, bringing her arms around her. Was this why the Jedi outlawed love? Because of how vulnerable it made her? Because of how fragile she seemed to be?

Her teeth sanded together and her eyes shut tightly. She was stronger now, wasn’t she? She was stronger than ever before. It was because of him she was stronger. But it was also because of him that she had a fairly obvious weak point that could end up getting her family in danger. Rathor and Veskin. Not to mention herself. She coiled tighter.

“I’m fine,” she whispered, “there is no Dark side nor Light side…there is only the Force.”

(Disclaimer: I do not own the Star Wars universe nor the character “Rathor”. This is based off a recent roleplay from my guild. I own Jade Cavvar and her story. Steal, and I shall cut you. :3)