TW: sexual harassment, graphic harassment, disturbing imagery, mentions of rape<\/p>\n
Childhood Friends<\/p>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Yesterday I remembered my sexual harassment. I stood on the cold floor of my work\u2019s new building, cushioned pads beneath my feet, placed there in hopes my bad ankles did not give way during business hours. My hands rested on the metal top of my workspace, pistol lights and pistol molds laid out before me, waiting for a holster to be built upon them. I\u2019m not sure why such a memory struck me in that moment. Perhaps it was the chill in the air that pulled me back to the cold Oregon evening, sat with a blanket over my legs before the desktop screen. Perhaps it was the smell of burning plastic in the air that churn my intestines like the message I got on my screen. Maybe it was the taste of bile in my mouth, the way I wanted to puke. The way I wanted to run. Perhaps it was the way that, despite all this, I stood, frozen, unable to do a thing to stop it.<\/p>\n
Portland had been a difficult move, but I was glad to have found friends. After school, we would jump on AOL, chat and write stories with one another. We often stayed up later than we should, chatting away as the sun set and the stars shone. One such night I sat perched in the wood chair that threatened to fall apart, the glass top of the office table chilling the bare skin on my arms. A blanket hung around my lower half, helping fend off the evening chill as I stared at the bright screen before me. Only one friend was on, a gal with the name Pop. It wasn\u2019t her real name, not really, but it was what her mom wished she could name the girl. Pop\u2019s relatives disapproved, so her true name was something more normal, but on all the forms, she wrote her name P-O-P.<\/p>\n
We chatted about nothing, as was often the case with her. Things were light, never serious. Even when you attempted to breach further than the surface, Pop would shut you down and you\u2019d walk away feeling silly for even trying at depth. I had stopped trying long ago, and accept that our friendship would never develop further. We chatted about school, about Latin assignments, about her interest of boys and my lack of interest in anyone. That always surprised everyone\u2014that I had gone so many years of my life without even a passing curiosity. It had become a tiresome topic for me, one that I usually dismissed.<\/p>\n
And that\u2019s when a new message popped up. A message from an old childhood friend. He was cute in the \u2018we grew up together\u2019 sort of way, cute in the \u2018I understand why girls like you\u2019 sort of way. He had introduced me to a few video games back in the day, let me swim in his pool when we were kids. My brother and his brother were best of friends, and I often tagged along because I enjoyed running around the woods at their house, climbing trees, smashing buttons to beat up bad guys on a screen. With an easy name, Adam, I never forgot him, though we could never truly be considered good friends. We enjoyed each other\u2019s company, but we never sought it out. Still, being alone with Pop wasn\u2019t ideal, and I was curious about him reaching out.<\/p>\n
You\u2019re on late. <\/strong><\/p>\n I arched a brow and chuckled, letting one hand land on my upper leg to try and rub some warmth into it. I typed with one hand.<\/p>\n Tend to be xD how r u<\/strong><\/p>\n Good I frowned at this. We hadn\u2019t seen each other in five years. I didn\u2019t have a FaceBook\u2014a new creation that my parents forbid me from having. It was strange of him to say such a thing out of the blue, wasn\u2019t it? But I went to an all-girl\u2019s school\u2014maybe boys were just weird like this?<\/p>\n Uh?<\/strong><\/p>\n LOL what if I fucked you<\/strong><\/p>\n I sat back from my screen, alarmed. This didn\u2019t seem like Adam. The Adam I knew was kind to me, was kind to my brother. He never showed an interest in me before\u2014and wasn\u2019t he dating someone? I had heard from a friend of a friend that still lived in the area near him\u2014he was with a new girl, Anna. Wasn\u2019t this talk disgusting? Was this talk vile? Why would he even wish to do such a thing with me?<\/p>\n I didn\u2019t respond right away. But the message sat there on my screen, bright and bold and not going away. I had to tell him no, didn\u2019t I? That was the right thing to do. Say no and move on.<\/p>\n Ew no.<\/strong><\/p>\n I bet you\u2019d like it I would not want more. That\u2019s gross<\/strong><\/p>\n You would Leave me alone<\/strong><\/p>\n I\u2019d pound you so hard your vagina with split Stop it you\u2019re disgusting<\/strong><\/p>\n I bet you\u2019d like it if I stuck it in you I sat back, legs crossed. The blanket fell on the ground, but it made not difference. I was cold. I was so cold. Didn\u2019t I borrow his swim trunks once? I swam in the pool on a hot summer afternoon, his mother made us all pizza. Didn\u2019t we play Neopets together? Didn\u2019t he show me Kingdom Hearts?<\/p>\n I didn\u2019t answer. Not for a long time. I went back to my chat with Pop. He messaged again.<\/p>\n I bet you\u2019re horny from the thought of it I thought you were cool.<\/strong><\/p>\n You didn\u2019t say no<\/strong><\/p>\n Stop messaging me<\/strong><\/p>\n You like talking to me. I put my status on invisible. I messaged Pop.<\/p>\n I\u2019m still here. Sorry. That\u2019s okay I\u2019m going to bed anyway! Night!<\/strong><\/p>\n Pop logged off. I sat there. Adam messaged again.<\/p>\n Lol I know you\u2019re still there.<\/strong><\/p>\n I brought my knees to my chest. I had told him no. I had tried to ignore him. What did I do? Was this just his way of showing that he liked me? I heard that boys were mean to the girls they liked. They were cruel to catch their attention. They antagonized and made the girls angry. Was this that? Was I supposed to be flattered? Or was I supposed to be scared?<\/p>\n My eyes grew bloodshot and watery from staring at that message for what felt like hours.<\/p>\n Are you ignoring me? Lmao<\/strong><\/p>\n I bet you\u2019re wet<\/strong><\/p>\n You\u2019re wet thinking about me raping you<\/strong><\/p>\n Come back \ud83d\ude42 <\/strong><\/p>\n I closed the app. I shut the computer down. I watched the screen fade to black as the dark house fell into focus around me, my eyes blind for a second before they adjusted. I said nothing. I got up. I walked upstairs. I crawled into bed. And I tried to sleep.<\/p>\n Come the next day, I attempted to tell my friend Alex what had happened. I told her that I was on messanger as invisible because an old friend was being creepy last night.<\/p>\n Lol no worries, that\u2019s fine<\/strong><\/p>\n Yeah he sent me a ton of weird questions<\/strong><\/p>\n Weird :\/ <\/strong><\/p>\n I watched as Adam\u2019s icon popped up, indicating he had logged on. I looked back to my messages with Alex.<\/p>\n Want to do some RP? <\/strong><\/p>\n I closed my eyes. Maybe it wasn\u2019t such a big deal. Maybe that was just something people had to deal with. Maybe it was my fault because I responded to him. But I thought he was safe.<\/p>\n I turned myself onto available. Adam messaged me immediately.<\/p>\n Hey sorry about the weird messages, my friend got on my computer<\/strong><\/p>\n Oh ok<\/strong><\/p>\n He\u2019s kind of weird lol<\/strong><\/p>\n Yeah thanks for letting me know<\/strong><\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 It was just me then. It wasn\u2019t a big deal. I looked at the keyboard, worn from so much use. Some of the keys faded to the point of being unclear as to what they were. It was probably my fault for engaging. They were just weird messages after all. And boys are mean to those they like.<\/p>\n Adam and I never talked again. We haven\u2019t for ten years. To this day I have no idea if he really did have a friend over that night his account sent me those messages. I have no idea. And I never told anyone.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" TW: sexual harassment, graphic harassment, disturbing imagery, mentions of rape Childhood Friends \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Yesterday I remembered my sexual harassment. I stood on the cold floor of my work\u2019s new building, cushioned pads beneath my feet, placed there in hopes my bad ankles did not give way during business hours. 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\nYou\u2019re hot<\/strong><\/p>\n
\nI bet you\u2019d want more<\/strong><\/p>\n
\nMy cock is so big it\u2019d probably break you<\/strong><\/p>\n
\nYou\u2019d bleed everywhere<\/strong><\/p>\n
\nAnd just kept going
\nYou\u2019d say stop stop
\nAnd I\u2019d stick my dick in you and it\u2019d come out the other side
\nYou\u2019d be bleeding everywhere and crying
\nI\u2019d do it in front of your house for everyone to see<\/strong><\/p>\n
\nYou want me to rape you<\/strong><\/p>\n
\nYou want me to do it.
\nWhere do you live? <\/strong><\/p>\n
\nWeird guy is talking to me.<\/strong><\/p>\n